Itsabagslife

"Is love supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops. If I loved her, how could I leave her? If I felt that way then, how come I don't feel anything now?"

Jeff Melvoin - 1993, Northern Exposure

So at the end of the road did you find something? Did you get something?

Life is full of lessons. Sometimes a hard fall could paralyze you and change everything in your life but it all goes down to this "Acceptance". It all depends on how you look on things. Yes i lost her but i did get a well live lessons in life to ponder on while loving her. I grew up and become more mature on facing life. I learned to love what i have rather than grief on what i have lost.

I loved everything about her. I guess she never felt it. I asked her one last time - "mahal mo ba ako?" all she say is "Hindi ko kayang sagutin yan", all i can do is turn my back because of dismay. I gaved 2 years of my life and i get nothing but scars and pain on loving her. I know its my fault. Loving is all about taking risks. Like a song line of hayley "That's what you get when you let your heart win".lol

I am happy now. I will be happier now. Ill keep believing that soon this train ride will take me home. For now, I must move for the next stop. Stare at the window of the train while drinking a cup of coffee. So when the next stop comes, ill be more ready to love someone.

545pm (Long day at the office)

-Going home. I always do this, the train shit.
I got tons of work left for
tomorrow on my table.(sigh)

607pm (The Train Shit)

- There's something different today as i arrive
in the train station. It's a bit crowded. Looks like
someone threw a party on the train station. lol
as if i care,

610pm (The Waiting)

- Waiting for the train
- Sitting on a bench and roaming my eyes around.
As if I'm new to this.

612pm (The Dreaming)

- I remember those days, When we were still in
school. I usually do this. Waiting for her on this
very same train station.
-She'll always say "Kanina ka pa?" Acting like that she care.
- Ill answer "Ngayon2 lng, 5 mins"(Stupid)

617pm (The Chances)

- When we ride the train. It's always like i won on a lottery.
I get the chance to stand so close to her that i could smell her
fumes that has become more of a drug to me. I get the chance
to stare on her beautiful brown eyes. I get the chance to tell her
that i love her. All she can reply is a tiny slap on the face.
Then She'll say "Tumigil ka jan".
- I love her so much. I always come back to those 15 mins train ride with her.

625pm (The truth)

- Everytime that train ride ends. Every dream ends.
- "Minsan pauunahin niya ako, minsan pauunahin ko siya"
(scared to get caught)

637pm (The Shocking Truth)

- So much of my day dreaming. It's been 30 mins.
Where's the fucking train that i've been waiting. Did i get
caught day dreaming and million of trains passed by?(sigh)

- I heard an announcement from a somewhat voice
"Code Red", about 5 times.
then. "please stay away from the yellow lane"

- What's with the party over there? As i try to see what
the hell is going on there...
"Excuse me" i said

- I saw a body lying on the floor. Someone said
"Nagpakamatay, wala yata sa sarili,. nakatulala lang eh.
Tas biglang tumalon o nahulog nung paparating na yung tren"

645 (End)

- It was me. My breathing became much harder.