Itsabagslife

This was a message from Noi. Asking me to post this...Thanks tol! Keep writing!
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A lot of you may not know me as a religious person. Some of you know me as an agnostic guy. Who believes in God but has a lot of question about his own religion. This prayer might not mean anything for you. But it means a lot to me. As somebody said to me once. "You are a man and you have to stand up on your own two feet". This is my take on standing up, even though admittedly I literally shed a tear while writing this down..

Dear God,

Please help me forget her..

I still love her and it hurts so much...

Please help me let go..

"being miserable is an option. being happy is a choice"


This entry is connected on my friendster blog entry "Its been a year of love"


Cut loose and I'm moving on... Again. I thought that loving someone is enough for you to be loved back by a person - but it's not. I was wrong. She hurt me like no one did. She threw everything acting like she's innocent. She is. It's my fault. I choose to love her even she cannot love me. At the end of the road i told her "May buhay din ako ---., Di lang sayo umiikot mundo ko" I cried that night. I was shaking hearing those words from her "Di ko na matandaan kung lumabas ba sa bibig ko yung mga salitang yun. Joke lang yun. Naniwala ka naman agad., eh bakit kung sinabi ko ba na hintayin mo ako pag 50 na ako hihintayin mo pa din ba ako? di ko alam na sineryoso mo yun" with laughs on her mouth while she was saying it naputol yung phone call.

That's it. Tears went out and my breathing became harder.

Sumandal ako saglit sa pader habang umiiyak.,pinunasan ko luha ko tapos dumiretso ako sa kwarto at humiga.

I sms her - "okay na. yun lang din naman tatanong ko sayo kung magkita man tayo....Nice joke..."
she sms me - "Nu kba. Di ko akalain talaga na sineryoso mo yun. Sori"
I replied again - "Di., okay na.. okay lang..sarap kaya..salamat"
she replied - "sori"

I cried that night. I was hurt so bad. All i can do is weep under my pillow..

The next things that happened after that...

Jowanne told me her feelings and i laughed at her.. (I felt sorry. Natatakot ako., Di ko alam kung dapat ko bang sabihin na ganun din ako sayo. I dont want to hurt you. Hindi sa hindi kita mahal. "I don't want to love a person dahil kakaiyak ko lang kagabi dahil sa love..." I care for you.,  let's take time to know each other more.


Aniyah came. She's a lie. She's a dream - for a young sweet love i was looking for.

Zeth is here. My HS partner during prom night. She told me "Hinanap kaya kita... Sana mas maaga kita hinanap" . Hinanap ko din siya even before pa. But this time around na nahanap na nya ako., I don't know what to feel. I just don't know what to feel.

Im in so much pain. I just can't love. I need to find my own way back into the world., so called love.

"Sorry kung nakasakit ako..alam ko wala akong karapatan manakit ng ibang tao dahil nasaktan ako sa kahapon ko"

Dearest Reon,


Hello there,

Its been a while since i last saw your tears. At last i'm going to have quiet nights that i could sleep and not to think if you are shedding tears underneath your eyelids. You changed my life by letting me in through the deepest space inside your heart. I remember that day when you asked me to wrote you a poem, so that you can hear what my tied tongue has to say. It took me 6 hours to put a smile on your pretty face as i stand shaking in front of you while reading those words written in a small piece of paper. It's not hard to get it, you smiled at me like we are on a Romeo and Juliet play and that's the start of what we called "new beginnings".

We were wrong. We became more miserable. We cant keep up to the pace that life has given us. I became more busy and busy just to give you those promises that i made. I did not notice that the time flies as i make a sprint towards our dream life. I want you to know that i do regret those times that i could sit beside you and have a chalk talk with you. Ask you how was your day and how many bullshits you run unto.

Now our life has changed. You're gone. You took away everything that life has to gave you. But i know your happier now. Stay happy now. I know you are safe where ever you may be. Let me live a more miserable life without you. Soon ill be there. Ill rest in your arms and tell you stories about our lives.

I miss you. Soon ill be with you.


                                                                                                                   ---your emo friend
                                                                                                                                      Jazel

I am thankful that the
sun gave way for you
to be the center of
my universe.

That the time knows
how to slow things down
whenever we sit
together.

Flowers sprung. so as
my love for you
continues to bloom
everyday in my heart.

And morning continues to
fill my heart with
happiness because of
your love and care.

My love for you is
Invulnerable. I love you.
I am thankful that it
was you.

It was you whom ive
fallen to.


P.S. Salamat nung friday. Para sayo to. hehe;) buti na lng pinaupo mo ako sa tabi mo, kasi kung pinabayaan mo lng ako bka tumalikod na lng ako at pinairal ang kabulukan ng ugali ko. Salamat kasi kahit saglit nakasama kita ule. hehehe. love you my emoSP" mwah!haha