Itsabagslife

This is funny right? But more like fuck you who do you think you are!

She cried in front of me and all i can say is "Huuy..hindi pa katapusan ng mundo mo" then i grab her by her shoulders and said "Tama na..kala mo kasi kaya mo.."

She is someone so dear to me. I feel her pain. I feel her agony. She was cheated by a person that she loves. She is so stupid for that person that she still pretend that everything is going to be okay even the pain and the wounds is aggravating. She was holding her hankey that time and all i can do is get it from her hand and wipe those tears that flow non stop from her eyes. She cry and cry.

Its like hey i'm good at this.giving comfort on my friends(mostly girls) when they are in so much pain. Giving shitful advices acting like i know everything about love. Acting like I'm part of a radio station joe'd mango like guy.

But that day was different. That's the first time someone cried in front of me. Not on SMS or Call. The next thing i do is sit beside her and tell her stories about my friend that was killed on accident back then. I told her how life for me is. I told her "Hindi lang ikaw ang umiiyak ngayon kaya wag mo angkinin ang luha".. "Di pa katapusan ng lahat dahil sa niloko ka ng boyfriend mo"..

Fuck you! You don't know how much pain you gaved to her. For 1 straight week she weeps under her pillows,.her eyes were so red that she could not even go out on her room because people will laugh at her. She couldn't even get to sleep because of you! Fuck you! You don't deserve her. Fuck those guys who commit infidelities and still pretend like there's nothing wrong!

I sat beside her and told her "Tama na yan..ililibing na lng kita kung gusto para mas mapabilis ka"

Thank god she smiled a bit. 

I feel her pain. I don't know how can i ease those pain. All i can do for now is love her and put back her life into something that you didn't give her. Show care like there's no more tomorrow so she would know someone is there for her. Ill show her how to find love on other peoples heart. Ill pull her in and hide her in my jacket. So no one would see her cry. She'll be strong and grow more as she continue her so called journey -life.

I love her. I want to heal those pain that you put into her. I will. If it takes my life. I will!

In response to "asa ka naman".

Pano kung wala ng pagasa?

1. (Manliligaw Part) - Tama na. Nagpapakabulag ka na lang at umaasa ka na mayroong pagmamahal kahit wala naman talaga at never naman talaga nagkaroon ng something special sa inyo.
2. (Rebound Part) - Heart Broken siya kaya the time you expressed your love for him or her eh di sadyang naabuso nya yun kasi he or she need someone who can give comfort on his or her broken heart. "Kala moh meron pero wala.wala.wala"
3. (The Friendly Part) - Friends kayo. Nagkataon na pag tingin mo sa kanya eh tinamaan ng lintik ka. Na inlove ka. Sinira mo pagkakaibigan nyo para lang maipadama pagmamahal mo sa kanya.
4. (Broken Part) - Ikaw naman ang broken hearted. Nagkataon na dumating sya sa buhay mo at inisip mo na siya ang magliligtas sa kahibangan mo pero hindi pa din pala. Emo ka lng masyado. Feeling mo bumaba na si superman o superwoman kasi pinapasaya ka nya.
5. (Long Distance Part) - Ang layo niya. Di mo alam kung ano ba pinagkaka kaabalahan nya. Naniniwla ka pa din na mahal ka niya kahit na siya na din minsan yung nagbibigay ng dahilan para iwanan mo siya. You're trying to work on things kahit na duda ka na kasi naniniwala ka sa long distance relationship pero niloloko ka naman.
6. (Flirt Part) - "Di lahat ng magkasama nagmamahalan" malay mo flirt lang pala yung katabi mu ngayon. Tanga mo na inlove ka. Ayaw na nya syo kasi bka masaktan ka niya.
7. (Paasa Part) - Sinabihan ka niya na hintayin mo siya. For whatever reason di pala yun totoo lahat. Ano magagawa mo? Di na niya matandaan kung kelan nya sinabi yun. At anung petsa.
8. (Bitter Part) - Galit ka na sa mga guys or girls at sinasabing manloloko lang yan. Wala na matino sa mundo. gagamitin ka lang. Tapos tatapon ka na pag pinagsawaan ka na. Masakit para sayo yun. Itatanim mo sa puso mo yun at mahihirapan ka na magbukas ng pintuan para sa ibang kakatok sa puso mo.
9. (Complicated Part) - Ang daming complications niyo sa buhay. Ayaw mo na. Gusto nya pa. Gusto mo pa. Ayaw naman na nya. Hanggang maguluhan ka na at maglaho na lang bigla
10.(Family and Affiliates Part) - Ayaw ng pamilya nya sayo, Inis kapatid niya sayo. Masakit yun para sa inyo. Tapos di ka niya pinaglaban. Sinabi nya na lng - "May Magmamahal pa sayo"


Well...Just keep hoping. Someway - Somehow, you'll find someone na pag hinawakan mo yung kamay nya eh mararamdaman mo na fit kayo sa isat isa. Ang love pag dumating na sa puso mo wala na madami kwento and animations. Don't dream of a movie. Turn things into reality!. Di  pa magtatapos mundo mo pag iniwan ka niya. Gigising ka bukas me muta ka pa din sa mata mo!

Love or get lost! Asa ka ulet! 

"being miserable is an option. being happy is a choice"


This entry is connected on my friendster blog entry "Its been a year of love"


Cut loose and I'm moving on... Again. I thought that loving someone is enough for you to be loved back by a person - but it's not. I was wrong. She hurt me like no one did. She threw everything acting like she's innocent. She is. It's my fault. I choose to love her even she cannot love me. At the end of the road i told her "May buhay din ako ---., Di lang sayo umiikot mundo ko" I cried that night. I was shaking hearing those words from her "Di ko na matandaan kung lumabas ba sa bibig ko yung mga salitang yun. Joke lang yun. Naniwala ka naman agad., eh bakit kung sinabi ko ba na hintayin mo ako pag 50 na ako hihintayin mo pa din ba ako? di ko alam na sineryoso mo yun" with laughs on her mouth while she was saying it naputol yung phone call.

That's it. Tears went out and my breathing became harder.

Sumandal ako saglit sa pader habang umiiyak.,pinunasan ko luha ko tapos dumiretso ako sa kwarto at humiga.

I sms her - "okay na. yun lang din naman tatanong ko sayo kung magkita man tayo....Nice joke..."
she sms me - "Nu kba. Di ko akalain talaga na sineryoso mo yun. Sori"
I replied again - "Di., okay na.. okay lang..sarap kaya..salamat"
she replied - "sori"

I cried that night. I was hurt so bad. All i can do is weep under my pillow..

The next things that happened after that...

Jowanne told me her feelings and i laughed at her.. (I felt sorry. Natatakot ako., Di ko alam kung dapat ko bang sabihin na ganun din ako sayo. I dont want to hurt you. Hindi sa hindi kita mahal. "I don't want to love a person dahil kakaiyak ko lang kagabi dahil sa love..." I care for you.,  let's take time to know each other more.


Aniyah came. She's a lie. She's a dream - for a young sweet love i was looking for.

Zeth is here. My HS partner during prom night. She told me "Hinanap kaya kita... Sana mas maaga kita hinanap" . Hinanap ko din siya even before pa. But this time around na nahanap na nya ako., I don't know what to feel. I just don't know what to feel.

Im in so much pain. I just can't love. I need to find my own way back into the world., so called love.

"Sorry kung nakasakit ako..alam ko wala akong karapatan manakit ng ibang tao dahil nasaktan ako sa kahapon ko"

Your Letter in my Frozen Hand
by : Oliver Lundag




"I hold your letter in my frozen hand.. staring on the lines.. reminisce each and every time. Its freezing...i need your warm hands"


                                                  -bags



I hold your letter in my frozen hand
The last line was long, as long as it burns
My look carries on
With every word another feeling dies
I'm left here in the dark, no memories of you
I close my eyes, it's killing me
We die when love is dead, it's killing me
We lost a dream we never had
The world in silence should forever feel alone
'Cause we are gone and we will never overcome, it's over now
Vultures are waiting for what's left of us
What can we take? It all has no worth
If we lose our trust
They're coming closer, want you and me
I can feel their claws, let me go now
Try to break free, it's killing me
We die when love is dead, it's killing me
We lost a dream we never had
The world in silence should forever feel alone
'Cause we are gone and we will never overcome
It's over now, now, now

Astig! lol..Thanks dude for allowing me to post one of your masterpiece! nice writing.

Now i know.

Ill change my life for good.
I wont cry for someone like you again.
Ill never bother to ask you again.
I wont ask for a kiss again.
I wont ask for promises.
Ill be forgetful.
I wont wait on the train station again.
Ill be stronger than ever.
Ill Change my phone number again.
Ill throw away all those pictures of yours.
I wont dream of you again.
I wont put you on my plans.
I wont listen to the songs that reminds me of you.
Neither do i be singing.
I wont pass by on our places again.
You'll miss those candles we had.
I wont be saying your name again.

I love you but now all i can do is hate you.