Itsabagslife

"Hindi ako sanay na walang boyfriend eh" -aurence said to me when we had a chalk talk last week

She is having problem on handling long distance relationship.. I passed by her on a chat and she opened up this topic. She was saying that she lost the feeling that she had before and yet she can't find the strength to let go of a love that she had before.

She said to me that she is afraid of being alone.Being left alone. She was used on having someone beside her. I heard this story before on a really close friend who is also having problem on her long distance relationship.

I heard from the mass yesterday - "Ang paghihintay ang sumusukat sa kaligayahan o kagalakan ng isang tao. Hindi sa kung ano yung natanggap nya dahil sa naghintay sya"

I told Aurence to let go. While there's love in their hearts.,let go. Don't let pain and bitterness be the turning point of their relationship. Soon she'll find answers. I remind her to be strong. And if being strong is not enough be stronger, Be more resilient. Find love from other people's heart. Don't live in missery and hate. Continue and be ready.

"Is love supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops. If I loved her, how could I leave her? If I felt that way then, how come I don't feel anything now?"

Jeff Melvoin - 1993, Northern Exposure

So at the end of the road did you find something? Did you get something?

Life is full of lessons. Sometimes a hard fall could paralyze you and change everything in your life but it all goes down to this "Acceptance". It all depends on how you look on things. Yes i lost her but i did get a well live lessons in life to ponder on while loving her. I grew up and become more mature on facing life. I learned to love what i have rather than grief on what i have lost.

I loved everything about her. I guess she never felt it. I asked her one last time - "mahal mo ba ako?" all she say is "Hindi ko kayang sagutin yan", all i can do is turn my back because of dismay. I gaved 2 years of my life and i get nothing but scars and pain on loving her. I know its my fault. Loving is all about taking risks. Like a song line of hayley "That's what you get when you let your heart win".lol

I am happy now. I will be happier now. Ill keep believing that soon this train ride will take me home. For now, I must move for the next stop. Stare at the window of the train while drinking a cup of coffee. So when the next stop comes, ill be more ready to love someone.

I am thankful that i was once became a part of this big time company located in the heart of Makati-Ayala business district. Thanks to the training in vb and asp.net that they have given us.

For a while it was a very good way to start my career in this so called IT industry but as the days goes by my start up with them became a living hell. Oops sorry for that term.

I found my self wasting my time sitting my ass and waiting and waiting for nothing.

Before this all began they told us upon the orientation that if they endorse us to a client and the client feels you are a perfect piece for them then there you will be deployed. With that is a condition that we'll pass the training and all those revalidation exams to be offered by their clients, with "s" because they told us that they are big time and everybody in this country believe that yes they are so they have many clients. And they promised us that they'll offer us to other business partners that they have if we wont get accepted by their other clients.

I had so much fun on our 1 & a half months of training in asp and vb.net., we're getting paid while doing the training, unlike any other IT consulting company.

After the it's about time to face the ultimate truth. Its eviction time fellas, just like in Big Brother, 4 of us was immediately evicted so from 15 guys down 11,. the 4 didn't made it because they failed to pass the training days.

After that we we're now sent for a week-long revalidation exam of one of their bigtime roots, a bank probably just for you to picture it out. After a long week 5 of 11 we're hired by this bank so how many was left behind? 6? i am one of those six.

The next day was a surprise, our boss told us that we'll have to make our resignation paper immediately. What a fucking surprise. They only have one client for .net and they are kicking our asses out to the office. We resigned as they said without any contest because we we're rookies back then. And the agreement that they'll offer us to another client was just verbal.

damn.

If only i didn't got to much pressured on landing my first job. I could have not bite in the bait of a fucking scam.

Guess what i am still a mother fucking lucky piece of bastard. I landed a job quickly after that scam. My colleagues left in that BIG time company will be there for 3 years because of that fucking miserable contract that they signed. They are getting less on what a .net programmer should rate. The secrets we're leaking., java people we're rating 18-20k and they are just getting 12.

hahaha..last laugh to us, people who we're kicked out because of their tight policy.
Thanks for a while. I learned my lessons.