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Sorry (Its been 2 years of love)

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"being miserable is an option. being happy is a choice"


This entry is connected on my friendster blog entry "Its been a year of love"



Cut loose and I'm moving on... Again. I thought that loving someone is enough for you to be loved back by a person - but it's not. I was wrong. She hurt me like no one did. She threw everything acting like she's innocent. She is. It's my fault. I choose to love her even she cannot love me. At the end of the road i told her "May buhay din ako ---., Di lang sayo umiikot mundo ko" I cried that night. I was shaking hearing those words from her "Di ko na matandaan kung lumabas ba sa bibig ko yung mga salitang yun. Joke lang yun. Naniwala ka naman agad., eh bakit kung sinabi ko ba na hintayin mo ako pag 50 na ako hihintayin mo pa din ba ako? di ko alam na sineryoso mo yun" with laughs on her mouth while she was saying it naputol yung phone call.

That's it. Tears went out and my breathing became harder.

Sumandal ako saglit sa pader habang umiiyak.,pinunasan ko luha ko tapos dumiretso ako sa kwarto at humiga.

I sms her - "okay na. yun lang din naman tatanong ko sayo kung magkita man tayo....Nice joke..."
she sms me - "Nu kba. Di ko akalain talaga na sineryoso mo yun. Sori"
I replied again - "Di., okay na.. okay lang..sarap kaya..salamat"
she replied - "sori"

I cried that night. I was hurt so bad. All i can do is weep under my pillow..

The next things that happened after that...

Jowanne told me her feelings and i laughed at her.. (I felt sorry. Natatakot ako., Di ko alam kung dapat ko bang sabihin na ganun din ako sayo. I dont want to hurt you. Hindi sa hindi kita mahal. "I don't want to love a person dahil kakaiyak ko lang kagabi dahil sa love..." I care for you.,  let's take time to know each other more.


Aniyah came. She's a lie. She's a dream - for a young sweet love i was looking for.

Zeth is here. My HS partner during prom night. She told me "Hinanap kaya kita... Sana mas maaga kita hinanap" . Hinanap ko din siya even before pa. But this time around na nahanap na nya ako., I don't know what to feel. I just don't know what to feel.

Im in so much pain. I just can't love. I need to find my own way back into the world., so called love.

"Sorry kung nakasakit ako..alam ko wala akong karapatan manakit ng ibang tao dahil nasaktan ako sa kahapon ko"

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